WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Before we get too far into today’s blog I want to say that I am totally against any kind of animal abuse.  When I see the abuse that people put animals through makes me sick.  I am not a hunter but I support the right to hunt.  Rules and Regulations are in place to make sure our wildlife is not over harvested so hunters in future will have the same opportunity.

I love cats and dogs but do not have any in my home because of allergies.   I also remind pet owners that not everyone loves your pet as much as you do. So if someone doesn’t show the reaction you think they should to your pet there can be a lot of reasons.   Barking dogs, owners on a walk with the dog or dogs letting the dogs used the bathroom on people’s lawns then not cleaning up after them angers me. Cats using flower beds as a litter box.   I don’t blame the animals I blame the owners. I have sat on my back porch some nights and listened to a dog somewhere in the neighborhood bark and bark and bark and bark, literally over an hour one night.   I guess my point is non pet owners need to respect those who  have pets but pet owners should respect others and make sure those pets are not put in positions  that could lead to a call to animal control or police.

That brings me to Chicken and Chicken jokes.  March 19th was National Poultry day and I did some rally bad chicken jokes.  You can hear them in our 1 audio portion of the blog.

While doing the Chicken Jokes I remembered an event here in Logan on August 1st 2005.  Peta showed up to protest the treatment of Chickens used for Kentucky Fried Chicken.   They even had someone who was dressed in a Chicken costumes showing various injuries they allege that chickens go through before going to KFC.   So being the smart Alec I am I joked on the air “Why the giant did the injured Chicken cross the road at 4th North and 1st east?   To get to KFC to become ‘FINGER LICKING GOOD”!   Which lead to a call from Peta which made me laugh.
Now before you think I am a complete jerk I think that groups like PETA are important because they can find some serious abuse  and officals and faRmers can take steps to correct them.   But groups like PETA must be aware that some of the stunts they pull lend themselves to guys like me making jokes about it.

By the way I talked with the management at the KFC and they said people flocked the restaurant to counter protest the protestors and KFC had there busiest day.   I also found that funny.

So if I say I am a proud member of PETA , the people for the eating of Tasty Animals.   You will understand the statement.

This morning we talked Chicken with bad chicken jokes.

Stupid news had  2 guys in Long Island that should not be allowed to drive and a youngster has words of inspiration for his dad.

 

Laff lines on weight loss

I HATE THE EWOKS!

I HATE THE EWOKS!

Sorry Star wars fans, I love to watch Star wars movies but the one with the Ewoks .NOPE not me!  There are people who love to hate on Jar Jar Binks.  Me I can be OK with Jar Jar but the little Ewoks just make me want to turn off the movie.

The one thing I have learned in  while enjoying Star Wars is that everyone is a critic.  I guess I am too!

Yesterday my wife and I were not feeling well and decided to have a quiet day binging Star Wars 1, 2, and 3 ( Notice no Ewoks).  I have seen each one more times that I can count but I will tell you this IN MY OPINION Star wars 3 us the best of the Franchise.

The story line is a little more adult and I think deals with the angst that Luke turns to the Dark side.  To me it makes for a better movie that goes deeper in the development of Darth Vader and that scene where the full image of Vader is chilling.

I am not saying the other movies were bad because they weren’t.  Even episode 6 was good despite the EWOKS!  Give me a Wookie!

I am looking forward to seeing SOLO (maybe not as much as Infinity wars and Aquaman.

So as I sign off LET THE FARCE I MEAN FORCE BE WITH YOU!

Today it was March madness and Pickle juice

 

Stupid news: Are you really dead when you are alive but the government says you are dead, b but you are alive.   Sonic introduces Pickle juice

Laff lines Donuts

TOYS TOYS TOYS

Toys-R-Us is closing all there stores and over 30 thousand people will lose their jobs.  Toys –R-Us wasn’t a player in the toy biz when I was a kid.  But boy oh boy when that Sears wish book would come out I would wear it out looking at the toys and folding the corners of pages where my toy needs (wants) would be.

Some of my favorite toys were very simple toys they included the box.  Admit it you would love playing in the big boxes that things came in.  Once my mom bought a refrigerator that came in a huge box that had a wood frame.  That box made a great club house in the back yard for several weeks.  I can’t remember but it think it was marked in Italian Fragile.

One year at Christmas my mom asked me if I wanted some of the new Gig Joe toys and I told her NO! BOYS DON’T PLAY WITH DOLLS.  Well here it is 2018 and I have some G.I. Joe toys in my collection

As a child I had one of those stuffed monkey’s that had a banana in one hand and I was told I called it my Punkey.  I was an adorable child.  Not so much today.

Other favorites were a Man from U.N.C.L.E. brief case that had a camera and would shoot plastic bullets.   I had lots of cap guns and little plastic army men; But to be honest with you one of my favorites was A BARREL FULL OF MONKEYS”  it was a toy I could play with by myself and since I was the youngest and the only boy I did find myself playing alone (ahh!)

As I grew up I would see boy’s dolls become ACTION FIGURES!  Yes now I collect action figures and have hundreds.  I admit a majority are Batman related.

Today electronics are at the top of the wish list boy kids today.  Some of them are really KOOL but I bet they don’t make good club houses!

 

Today on the morning show it was all about Uber – and March madness and WKRP:

Stupid news: More things to worry us and fire by Ragu

Laff lines Brain Regan on baseball:

 

Have a great St Patrick’s Day

DOH! DID I JUST SAY THAT

 

Mistakes I’ve made a few, but then again too few to mention!

NOPE:  I think some of the mistakes I have made on the air are engrained in my memory.  Today it’s mistakes.  Bloopers or as they say in the NFL ‘BUTT FUMBLES”

All this was inspired by this video from Fox 13 in Salt Lake City, THIS IS UNCENSORED

I know how she must feel, her friends and co-workers will remind her of the Fit Bit*& story the rest of her life.   How do I know that?  I have a few of my own.

Anyone who has ever been on the air will be able to tell you story upon story about the bloopers.  Before I tell you about a couple of mine let me tell you of some others I have been 1st hand knowledge of although I did not do them.

In Montgomery city Mo.  I had been doing play by play in about 200 miles from home, I thought all had gone well until the next morning when I got a call from the Mayor, The Chief of Police and County Sherriff.  It seems the young man who was at the station made a mistake on the air and lost his temper.  All he did was make the matters worse when he FORGOT TO TURN OFF HIS MIC.   What the 3 officials told me was that the young man was using every word that George Carlin said you couldn’t use on TV and added to the list too!   He was lucky to keep his job.

While in Rexburg Idaho I was on a date while listening to the station and a young man was doing a news cast on the air and not doing a very good job.  He was mispronouncing names and places that should have been easy but not for him.  I got angry and drove to the station with my date and proceeded to … how I say this nicely…CHEW HIS BUTT OUT!

Now before you think I was a jerk let me complete this little story?  Part of the solution I came up with was to ask the young man to start watching the CBS evening news to get the pronunciation of people and places in the news.   To his credit he did it.

Fast forward a few years and of course the young man had moved on and when I say moved on he did it in a big way.  I was watching the CBS evening news and there was a familiar face and name reporting a story.  That young man’s name is Art Rascone whose brother Dan works for KUTV in Salt Lake City.  I found out that Art went on the great career in broadcasting.  And he has even written a book about his experiences.

I have had a few on those mistakes myself.  Once in Paris TN on a Saturday afternoon I got the 1st sounds of a man’s name and the words that came out were………….. NOT GOOD.  I dropped the word the same word that Ralphie on a Christmas story said when He had to but soap in his mouth (Lifeboy Yuk)

When you are doing a live sporting event you need to be aware on what you say.  One game we were having Tech problems and I was attempting to repair.  My on air partner decided to tell the world that I was leaving an impression on the press box with my PLUMBERS PANTS.  Before I knew what I was saying I said “oh was I showing major league butt crack?”  For weeks after everywhere I went someone was asking about my MAJOR LEAGUE BUTT CRACK”

Then there is the spider!  Doing a game broadcast in a very small Utah town the press box was even smaller with board placed over sports where windows should have been, the boards were removed the game started and it turned into a blowout quickly/ What do you do when the a game is boring and you want to keep those listening a reason to stay.  That came in to form of a very large spider who started to build his web in the opening not 2 feet from my face.  The play by play quickly turned into a play by play of the Spider web.  Yes watching a spider was more interesting that a game of football.

Things do happen and will continue to happen because we all make mistakes, from this moment on I will not make any more bloopers.  YEAH LIKE THAT’S GONNA HAPPEN.

Today where to be happy and a sledgehammer

Stupid news:  jewelry and veggie burgers

Laff Lines—Drew Carey

MARCH MADNESS MEMORIES

 

Let the Madness Begin!  It is time for the College basketball tournament to decide who the best team in the land is.   At offices everywhere productivity will go down because so many people will be watching to see if they picked in early game upsets so they can brag to the friends about.  “Yeah, I watch a lot of hoops and I noticed that they were playing well going into the tournament so I just knew they were going to win that game”  the truth is “ I took and shot”

Over the years I have enjoyed watching the tournament and at times just threw my hands up is disgust.   Here are just a few memories of March Madness

The 1st time I heard Dick Vitale doing his commentary I told my friends he needed to take some valium. (True story)

While growing up my best friend Wayne and I would call each other during the Memphis State run to the championship game against UCLA and losing in the title game.  Bill Walton had a great game to lead the Bruins to the win but I still contend he should have been kicked out of the game in th4e 2nd half.  Walton had a Technical on him when he was called for another when he dunked a ball, at the time the dunk was not legal but because of some quirk in the rules Walton was not disqualified and to say I am bitter is well YES I AM BITTER!

I also remember watching the North Carolina Tar heels win with a young Michael Jordan playing and as was our tradition Wayne and I were on the phone after the game and I told him that MJ was the best all-around player I had ever watched.   Yes I am just that good at seeing talent and very lucky too!  (He still pushed off on B Russ and I am still bitter)

I went to see my wife at Utah State and had lunch with her the day that the Aggies beat Ohio State!  Happy Happy Joy Joy! While I was so angry when the Aggies were looked over by the selection committee despite being ranked in the top 25 yep back to the bitterness.

I am not sure if I will fill out a bracket this year but if I don’t I will still tell everyone that I picked the National Champion because Hey I am just that good!

On today’s morning show some good news and UFO news too

Stupid News: Voodoo, March madness and gum balls

Laff Lines: Sitting next to a 5 year old

 

I DIDN’T DO IT AND I MEAN IT!

Sometimes I am lazy and I am ok with that!

Usually on Saturday’s I have something I want to do or someplace I need to go but not this past Saturday.  My wife had something to do and I was going to be at my own devices to entertain myself most of the day and took advantage and I did nothing.  I didn’t watch movies or professional wrestling no big project.  If I wanted to read I read I played games on my phone, worked a few minutes working at putting away comic books and a whole lot of nothing.   My wife called and asked me to get lunch so I braved Main street and it was crazy I almost got hit twice, but I was ok because I was doing nothing OK I did one load of laundry and took out the garbage but other than that I did nothing.  It could have been one of the best days of my life.  But I was happy when my wife got home because I was getting bored doing nothing.

I think when I go home today I will do nothing again.  NOPE, I do have some things to do.

DRATS!

 On todays show a great heartwarming story out of Germany and addictive Foods

Stupid news: A knife, a Porsche and a Horse

Laff lines: Dana Carvey going to the Pharmacist

 

BOY AM I GLAD I AM NOT IN LAS VEGAS

 

I have been to Las Vegas and Laughlin Nevada several times for vacation and yes I have won and lost while I have been there but I would have lost BIG TIME if I could have vacationed this week in SIN CIY.  And that has nothing to do with dropping a few coins in a slot machine.  Who would have had the time?

A dream vacation for me would have started last weekend with the NASCAR race.  Then driving all over town to watch college basketball with the WCC, Pac 12 and Mt. west tournaments all going on this week.   Then I remember that tonight at Sam’s town it RING OF HONOR WRESTLING and the 16th anniversary PPV. I would have come back to Logan broke but with a smile on my face.

The only way I could have come out ahead would be as the comedian John Pinnette said. “I WOULD HAVE MADE IT ALL BACK BY SITTING AT THE PRIME RIB BUFFET SAYING ,HIT ME AGAIN AND HIT ME AGAIN”  I kind of did that on one trip after losing a little I went to the buffet ( when they were still inexpensive) and put a big time hurting on that buffet .  3 prime ribs and all the fixins and then the desert.  I was so full that I didn’t eat again for 24 hours!

Well I didn’t go to Vegas this week and my bank account me all the better for it.  Dang it!

Don’t forget that Day light saving time begins on Sunday morning.  We lose that one hour sleep but my body reacts better to the less sleep that than the extra hour we get back in the fall.

Here are somethings that might happen to us on Monday because of Daylight saving time

  1. There’s an increase in heart attacks on Monday.  One study found that on Mondays after the time springs forward, hospitals see a 25% increase in heart attacks.
  2. There are more car crashes.  On average there’s an 8% increase in traffic accidents in the days after we lose an hour of sleep.
  3. You’ll waste more time on the internet.  A study found that on the Monday after the shift to Daylight Saving Time, employees spent more time procrastinating and wasting time on the Internet at work.
  4. Your stress levels may increase.  In a study, people’s cortisol levels rose when the sunrise time was pushed back an hour.  On average, there was a 5% increase in stress levels.

 

A  group of psychologists found that JUDGES were more likely to give harsher sentences after losing an hour of sleep.  So hopefully you don’t need to go to court next week.

The survey also found 63% of people would be fine getting rid of the time changes and just keeping things the same all year long.

Oh . . . and 3% of people still have clocks they didn’t bother to change for the last time change in the fall.

Last night I rented Thor Ragnor Rock and here is a review

 

Stupid news had a Florida traffic accident, Car theft and International women’s day

Laff lines is about daylight savings time

See ya Monday

 

 

I AM CHRONICALLY UNDERSLEPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you get enough sleep?  YOU DON’T!  Do you need more sleep?  YOU DO!  Well I think I do to.

So here it is Thursday morning and you say to yourself “I can’t wait until I can sleep in this weekend.”  Then reality hits you in the face.  IT’S TIME CHANGE WEEKEND AND WE LOSE AN HOUR’S SLEEP!

Ah Daylight savings time when we get one extra hour of sunshine each evening to enjoy with our friends and family and did I mention losing an hour of sleep!

I am like a growing number of people who wish they would just pic one or the other and stick with it!  I don’t car which just pick one!

My body adjust to the Spring ahead easier that Fall back.   I guess I will just stop whining.

As I was getting ready for this morning I came across a survey about sleep that used the term “CHORNIOCALLY UNDERSLEPT”  Maybe this is new P.C. term instead of *&^% I am tired”   I have never hear the term Chronically Underslept but I like it!  It has a classy sound Chronically Underslept, see what I mean.

So why are we Chronically Underslept?  Our jobs.  Here are some of the findings of the survey.

44% of working Americans are “chronically underslept” because of their job.  Only 13% say they NEVER miss out on sleep because of work.  I guarantee NONE of those people work in radio.

Younger workers are more likely to be underslept than anyone.  57% of 18 to 34-year-olds said they lose sleep because of work.  That’s compared to 45% of people between 35 and 54, and just 29% of workers older than that.

The top five work-related REASONS we miss out on sleep are:  Working too many hours . . . obsessing over a work-related issue . . . problems with a co-worker . . . worrying you might get fired . . . and having a nightmare of a boss.

So as we get ready for Daylight Savings time this weekend as you take a big yawn and someone says “You must be tired” you can proudly proclaim.  ‘NO, I AM CHRONICALLY UNDERSLEPT” 

 

Today in TV history we found out what a Beavis is.

Stupid news had s Bowling, Cereal, and waving at a Cop>

Laff lines: George Carlin a place for my stuff

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I AIN’T AFRAID ON NO GHOST BUT I AM AFRAID OF SLEEPING BAGS

Phobia’s we all have them even Charlie Brown

We all have them some are so bad they affect our lives some seem kind of silly but they are real.   NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. made news this week on his pod-cast he has a fear of metal.  Dale said he wears a wooden wedding ring and when asked how he would react to being near the human jeweler display Mr. T Jr said he would almost be nauseous.  The official name of Dale Jr. phobia is Kosmemphobia.

I worked with a man in Paris TN who would freak out if he heard Velcro ripping.  A man I worked with in Louisiana told me he was afraid of Spiders but I didn’t really believe him until one day when I killed a very large spider in the station and showed him the dead bed.  Donald who stood 6ft 4 almost passed out and I thought I was going to have to clean up more than just spider guts.

I have several friends who are scared of needles, so I will regal them with a story where I was getting ready for a major surgery in 2001 and to get the I.V. in took 11 tries!   I shouldn’t laugh but when did compassion get in the way of a good laugh.

So if you want to laugh at me I do have one major Phobia, I am Claustaphobic.  The fear of enclosed spaces.  While in the boy scouts on a camping trip I fell asleep in a sleeping bag but when I woke up the bag was ripped at the seams where my legs kicked so hard I broke through the zipper.  I cannot sleep if the sheets are tucked in, if I try ripped sheets usually happen

But my main phobia is Dietaphobia.  The fear of eating healthy!  No not really but the thought of starting a diet does kind of freak me out.   But I try and try again not just for the weight loss but a change of eating habits.  It might be working I love steams veggies.  Baby spinach is the bomb in an omelet (No cheese) but then dietaphobia hits and it time to become a Junk food junkie again.
Here is a list of some strange phobias.  Some might make you laugh but remember this.  These are real and if someone has them it might mean a torn up sleeping bag

Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing.   Acerophobia- Fear of sourness.  Acousticophobia- Fear of noise. (Or listening to Hip Hop music. That’s a bad joke) Agoraphobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.   Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.  Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions (these people are also afraid of Facebook). Anablephobia- Fear of looking up.  Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers. Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.  Aulophobia- Fear of flutes.

Barophobia- Fear of gravity. (You know what they say about gravity as you get older GRAVUTY IS A *****).   Bufonophobia- Fear of toads.

Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.  Caligynephobia- Fear of beautiful women. (Yep that why I didn’t date much)_
Carnophobia- Fear of meat.    Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.
Chionophobia- Fear of snow.  Chrematophobia- Fear of money.
Climacophobia- Fear of stairs, climbing, or of falling downstairs .( I have very large feet and combine that with 2 bad knees add that to my list )  Coprastasophobia- Fear of constipation.( I could really do some bad joke here but for fear of Karma clogging me up let’s continue_(
Coprophobia- Fear of feces. (SEE ABOVE)   Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.
Demophobia- Fear of crowds.  (That is kind of me but I am still going to comic con) Doxophobia- Fear of expressing opinions or of receiving praise. (No Facebook)

Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing.  Ergophobia- Fear of work.
Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news. (Kind of a fear of mine I always want to know what is about to go bad)

Francophobia- Fear of France or French culture. (But not of fry sauce)

Geniophobia- Fear of chins. Genuphobia- Fear of knees.
Geumaphobia or Geumophobia- Fear of taste. (Definitely not a fear in the Hip Hop community because they have no taste)
Glossophobia- Fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak. (Ask Church leaders if this is real)

Hedonophobia- Fear of feeling pleasure. (Hearing the song Under Pressure must drive them crazy) Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia- Fear of long words. (ARRRRG)
Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility. ( I REFUSE TO TAKE RESPONIBIITY FOR THIS ONE)

Ideophobia- Fear of ideas. ( Some of my pass bosses had this one)

Kainolophobia or Kainophobia- Fear of anything new, novelty.
Katagelophobia- Fear of ridicule. (See Facebook)

Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables. (Most 4 year olds)  Melophobia- Fear or hatred of music. (Talk radio YUK)  Mnemophobia- Fear of memories. (Or Barbra Streisand songs) Myrmecophobia- Fear of ants. (Or some marvel movies)    Mexiphobia- Fear of slime. (Don’t not watch Nickelodeon)

Neophobia- Fear of anything new.    Numerophobia- Fear of numbers.

Obesophobia- Fear of gaining weight. (Not me I have a PHD in weight gain)    Octophobia – Fear of the figure 8. (Don’t go to rocky Mt Raceway)   Omphalophobia- Fear of belly buttons. (That lint drives me crazy). Ornithophobia- Fear of birds. (Great Big Bang episode).
Ouranophobia or Uranophobia- Fear of heaven. (Watch Live PD and you will see a lot of people who don’t want to go to Heaven)

Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything. (SEE CHARLIE BROWN)    Parasitophobia- Fear of parasites. (Or grown children who refuse to leave your house)   Peladophobia- Fear of bald people. (No George Caztanza for them)  Phalacrophobia- Fear of becoming bald. (See George)   Phasmophobia- Fear of ghosts. (Easy one I AIN’T AFRAID OF NO GHOST.  Just too easy)   Phobophobia- Fear of phobias. (Whatever you do stop reading now)  Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking. (See the political party you are not affiliated with)
Pogonophobia- Fear of beards. (Thankfully not my wife)
Porphyrophobia- Fear of the color purple. (Or Prince Songs or Donny Osmond’s socks)

Scolionophobia- Fear of school. (Yeah that why I got bad grades, believe me don’t you) Spacephobia- Fear of outer space. (Does that include Star Wars Movies?)

Tachophobia- Fear of speed. (I feel the need for speed)
Tonitrophobia- Fear of thunder
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat.

And finally Stupiditiotdriverphobia- The fear of every other driver out there!

Today on the morning show: Going to watch Black Panther could be bad for you teeth.  Are your panties in a wad?

Stupid News   Topless women a Stupid news up date and he got dumped

Laff lines  EATING RIGHT!

I AM JEALOUS

 


Jealousy is real.  You might work with someone who is the bosses darling while you are in the doghouse or out house with the same boss. 

Or like what happens here is work place jealousy because of talent and vocal abilities.  I mean I work with some great talent here and because of their talent I AM JEALOUS. 

No really this is a great place to work and the talent that we all bring to the building adds to our objective.  The best radio stations in the world!

If you watch WKRP you will see a basic way a radio station works.  Talented people seem to have a different way at looking at life. Since I have been in radio I have come across some of the dumbest people I have ever known.  Like a guy who went on a cable TV show and stated saying really nasty things about the owner of that station in Tennessee.   Or a guy who would show up late to work at 1pm because he slept through his alarm.   Yep every radio station is kind of like WKRP.  Now I would be rally happy if we had a Loni Anderson type here.

Now this is kind of snarky on my part but smart people don’t make me jealous.   Why?

SOME OF THE SMARTEST PEOPLE I HAVE EVER KNOWN ARE THE DUMBEST POPLE I HAVE EVER MET.

 

I hope this has made sense.  Why?

I am so Smart , S-M-R-T. some people are just ignorant .I-G-N-R-T.

Another reason this is a mess today is I am S-I=C-K.  So as I leave to go home and hit the bed I will see you on Wednesday. 

A cartoon Tooth Fairy man in a tutu.

 

On the morning show it National Oreo cookie day .  And I compare The Bachelor to the WWE

 

Stupid news Go to Church win a car.  Starbucks and the Bucket list.

 

Laff lines- Jim Gaffagan on Words