CAN THE COMPUTER MAKE US HAPPY”

What makes you happy, some people use the “City Slicker” ONE THING!

Now comes word of researchers at the University of Oslo in Norway studied more than 100,000 people, and they found that the secret to happiness is using the Internet every day.  SAY WHAT!

I love the internet and use it frequently but does it make me happier?  Yes and no

One the yes side getting information is incredible.

No when the computer crashes or as what happened to me last week.  I was searching for a picture on Yahoo and the pictures were not what I was looking for by any means the images were very graphic porn and I was glad that Benji was here to document that I was not searching for IT FOUND ME!

I do believe social media can make us happy or it can be like fingernails on the chalkboard.  On Facebook I won’t to hear about good news or bad news so I can react.  What I usually will not responded to is Politics.

People seem to get very rude when they are protected by a computer keyboard and mouse. And then the use of certain words you know the ones I mean!  I wish I could reach out and put a bar of Life boy in the mouth.    I just think it is rude for people to use that kind of speech and I don’t believe social media is the place.   Use some common sense if you are going to use that kind of language  use it in a setting  when you are with people who use it too (I have been known to say a few words myself but not on the web)

I really believe that we can find Happiness but sometime, we have to search for it.

What makes me happy?  The list could go on for pages. But to name a few here goes. My wife, my friends, watching children play, a nice weather day just sitting on the porch, reading comic book and collection, I will add coming to my job.  I have been in radio since 1974 and I still love what I do.

But going back to “City Slicker” and the ONE THING, philosophy.  The one thing that makes me happy is   BACON!

(if my wife the use of one thing that makes me happy is used for comedic purposes and is used to protect the not so innocent)

Today we talked about being late for work

Stupid news has  burger pranks, candy and a man who lies so he can ……. You can guess

 

Laff Lines: Star bucks VS In N Out!

 

THE SHOT HEARD ROUND MY NEIGHBORHOOD

It was the shot heard round my neighborhood!   Late May on a warm spring night in Cache Valley warm enough to have our front door open for fresh air.   My wife and I like so many of you were watching the Utah jazz and The Houston Rockets play for a chance to go to the NBA finals.  The jazz were down by two with about 3 seconds left in the game and Greg Gumble on the call:

 

Why did I say this was the shot heard round my neighborhood, The shouts of joy of other Jazz fans who had their doors open for several minutes you hear the celebration from the sounds of YES, THE JAZZ ARE GOING TO THE FINALS”  To car horns blasting in celebration.  I know that my neighbors heard me.  (I have a loud voice)

That is a moment etched in the memories of Jazz fans, a moment you won’t forget.   No the title didn’t come to Utah but this guy named Mike kind of pushed the Bulls the championship game.  He would do that several more times, including pushing off of B- Russ!  Do I sound bitter?   You bet I am!

The basketball Hall of Famer and Olympic gold medal winner will always be remembered as one of the best if not the best point guard in history.  But I have two other memories of John.

I was working at a radio station in Rexburg Id (KRXK) and we ran Idaho state sports and I had been assigned engineering the game (I plugged in the commercials where they need to be).  One game during Half time the broadcast team was talking with a scout about a player for I.S.U. who went on to a short career in the NBA.  But during a commercial bark off air the scout told the team he wasn’t there to scour the ISU player but they were there to see that ‘Stockton kid”

While dating my wife Teresa I was living in Salt Lake and would drive to Logan to see her and one evening I was listening to the Jazz broadcast when Stockton set the record for assist.  The memory of that play is etched so deeply that I can even tell you where I was on the highway.  I was just coming into the valley near Mt Sterling.   I think about that moment in time a lot when driving there.

So Happy Birthday John and thanks for great sports memories and GO JAZZ!

Today on Stupid news:  A note, double cheeseburgers and proving God Exist.

Laff lines: Being a Feminist

 

LET’S GO FOR A DRIVE

          

Here is the weekend and it is going to rain!  But that lets us plan for more enjoyable weekend in the future.  So one of the things I like to do on the weekends us just go for a drive.   Don’t get me wrong we ALWAYS stop for a meal or at least a treat.  Yes I am almost 61 and I can be talked into driving with TREATS.

These short drives aren’t as long and fun as they used to be why? MONEY!  When the coat of gas started getting higher the road trips got smaller

Over the years I have lived in areas pf the country with very scenic drives.  Some of my favorites are driving on old Rt 66 from outside of Bullhead city to Kingman Arizona.    At one point of the drive you feel like you are on another planet!  You get to a MT peak and there is nothing but desert.  Along the way we also stop in Outman Arizona.   There is another section too that goes south just outside of Needles. ) Yes I have never been to Spain, only made it out to Needles).

When I lived in Missouri and Arkansas there were lots of great drive.  In Arkansas at Christmas time, I drove home on a shortcut through the Ozarks that a friend told me about that saved me about 75 miles!   One problem it was cold the roads were slick and filled with little redbirds on the roadways trying to stay warm.   And oh Dave ran into several, it got so bad that I started honking my horn as I rounded each Mt road curve.  Same thing happened in Louisiana but driving through the swamp it wasn’t gators it was armadillo’s and a few owls and one skunk scare.

Here in Northern Utah we have so many great places to Drive.  I like to take the highway from Brigham through Honeyville.  Logan Canyon is always nice. And for a very short but enjoyable drive it’s Canyon Road to 1st damn.

Short drives are a great way to talk with your spouse your kids of to leave them at home and get ALONE TIME.  But as I remind you on the radio every Friday “If you have been imbibing don’t be a driving”

Morning show today.  Lonely Highway, and Millions

 

Stupid news: A serial toilet clogged, and Speeding tickets

Laff lines: eating meat

 

GOT TO CLEAN THE CAR!

When it comes to your car there are two types of people.

Type number 1 is the person who keeps the car inside and out clean, I mean it still has that new car smell to it and the car is 15 years old.

THEN THERE IS ME!

I admit it I hate cleaning my car.  The inside is the worse! At least you can fill up your car and then type in a code and go through the car wash but the inside now that is a different story.  To clean the inside windshield you must have small hands and be very limber.  Neither of which I am.  So you buy one of those gadgets that cleans the inside pretty good then you put it where you can find it next time.  Yeah right, when was the last time you put something away so you would know where it was the next time you needed it?

But cleaning the inside of the car can be fun too!  It is kind of like a treasure hunt (Take that Oak Island) you start digging and you could find some money a lost pen or the best treasure ever! A dried out petrified French fry.

A few years back I decided I needed to clean my car and boy did I get into it.  That car was washed waxed, vacuumed everything in that car looked great.  I was bushed!  So as a reward I went to a fast food place for a little well fast food.  I only lived a few blocks from there but on the way home SPLAT!  The chocolate milk shake tipped and I said lots of bad words!

Maybe that is why I hate to clean my car!

This morning I did come across some tips that might make my next car cleaning easier. (From Tip Hero)

 

  1. Clean all the nooks in your car’s upholstery using a flat-head screwdriver and a rag.  Wrap the rag around the end of the screwdriver, and use it to clean out any dirt and grime stuck in there.  Just be gentle.  It can rip the vinyl, even with the rag on there.
  2. Use a small, foam paintbrush and a can of compressed air to clean your vents.  Use the brush first, then blast the vents with some air to finish them off.
  3. Clean your grill with dryer sheets instead of a rag.  It makes it a little easier to get all the dead bugs off.  And it won’t scratch the paint.
  4. Clean leather seats with Woolite.  Spray them with one part Woolite, 10 parts water, and wipe them down or use a toothbrush.  With cloth seats, just use carpet cleaner.
  5. Clean your headlights with toothpaste.  Make sure you use the kind with baking soda in it.  They might not look brand new, but it works better than just soap and water.
  6. Clean your windshield wipers, and use rubbing alcohol to keep them clean.  A lot of people replace them before they really need to.  Just wipe them down with hot, soapy water.  Then put some rubbing alcohol on there to keep them from streaking.
  7. Use soda to clean the corrosion off your car battery.  Just unscrew the terminals, and dump some Coke or Pepsi on there.  It won’t hurt anything.  Then scrub the corrosion off with a wire brush, and rinse it with warm water.
  8. Give the neighbor kid a 20 to do it for you!

Today on the morning show we found out that it is true food makes you happy.

Stupid news: You’ll shoot your pinkie, and a dumb 911 call!

Laugh lines men just want to be left alone

RINGO

 

The Beatles, the Fab four, the mop tops, The British invasion.  Believe it or not I am more of fan today than I was back in the day.  I do remember the big question with my sisters and friends would always ask.  Who is your favorite Beatle?

My favorite Beatle became a Knight yesterday.  Yes my favorite Beatle is Richard Starkey AKA Ringo Star.

I started to try to determine why Ringo is my favorite and now I know why.  My favorite Beatle sang my favorite Beatle songs.   And his solo hits are my favorite solo Beatle songs (exception Band on the run).

Here is a list of my favorite songs by the Beatles sung by Ringo

Boys – Octopuses Garden, Yellow Submarine, with a little help from my Friends and my favorite Beatle song would Be ACT NATURALLY!  I have always love that song.   I even have a 45 that Ringo sang with Buck Owens

Then Solo hits like Back off boogaloo, It’s Don’t come easy and Photograph are always great but I love the” No No song” silly yes  but I just love to sing along with that one.

Then Ringo married Barbra Bach and filmed a very funny movie called Caveman.  Here is the trailer.   Look for a couple of actors who went on to become stars.

When I lived in Missouri, I had a Ringo moment that didn’t involve Ringo but it did!  HUH?  I was at a record store (remember those) and there was a long line of people waiting to purchase tickets to various concerts that went on sale that day (way before the internet).   I am there to purchase tickets to see Aerosmith when I heard a young guy look at the sign that said what concerts were being sold that day when I heard a young man say “Who are Ringo Star and his All Star band?”  his friend said”it’s more like Ringo Star and his All has been band”    Lucky for them they didn’t have to go get dental work after that!  The all-star band that year included.  Gary Wright, Todd Rontgen, Billy Preston and more has beans.

Then in Ogden a couple of years ago I was at a thrift store when a song came on the speaker system and a couple my age were trying to figure out what it was.  I heard the husband saying he was sure it was a country artist but couldn’t remember so I spoke up and said.  You are partly right and told them it was The Beatles and the man said no way well way.   It was Act Naturally a song written by Buck Owens which got us into a conversation about Hee Haw!  That is for another blog in the future.

So when you are listening to KOOL 1039 and you hear Ringo you know Dave is singing along!   “There going to put me in the movies”

This morning we had Dave’s matter of Perspective on Restaurants and Bars

Stupid news was Zumba and Underwear

Laff Lines: Organization

 

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Before we get too far into today’s blog I want to say that I am totally against any kind of animal abuse.  When I see the abuse that people put animals through makes me sick.  I am not a hunter but I support the right to hunt.  Rules and Regulations are in place to make sure our wildlife is not over harvested so hunters in future will have the same opportunity.

I love cats and dogs but do not have any in my home because of allergies.   I also remind pet owners that not everyone loves your pet as much as you do. So if someone doesn’t show the reaction you think they should to your pet there can be a lot of reasons.   Barking dogs, owners on a walk with the dog or dogs letting the dogs used the bathroom on people’s lawns then not cleaning up after them angers me. Cats using flower beds as a litter box.   I don’t blame the animals I blame the owners. I have sat on my back porch some nights and listened to a dog somewhere in the neighborhood bark and bark and bark and bark, literally over an hour one night.   I guess my point is non pet owners need to respect those who  have pets but pet owners should respect others and make sure those pets are not put in positions  that could lead to a call to animal control or police.

That brings me to Chicken and Chicken jokes.  March 19th was National Poultry day and I did some rally bad chicken jokes.  You can hear them in our 1 audio portion of the blog.

While doing the Chicken Jokes I remembered an event here in Logan on August 1st 2005.  Peta showed up to protest the treatment of Chickens used for Kentucky Fried Chicken.   They even had someone who was dressed in a Chicken costumes showing various injuries they allege that chickens go through before going to KFC.   So being the smart Alec I am I joked on the air “Why the giant did the injured Chicken cross the road at 4th North and 1st east?   To get to KFC to become ‘FINGER LICKING GOOD”!   Which lead to a call from Peta which made me laugh.
Now before you think I am a complete jerk I think that groups like PETA are important because they can find some serious abuse  and officals and faRmers can take steps to correct them.   But groups like PETA must be aware that some of the stunts they pull lend themselves to guys like me making jokes about it.

By the way I talked with the management at the KFC and they said people flocked the restaurant to counter protest the protestors and KFC had there busiest day.   I also found that funny.

So if I say I am a proud member of PETA , the people for the eating of Tasty Animals.   You will understand the statement.

This morning we talked Chicken with bad chicken jokes.

Stupid news had  2 guys in Long Island that should not be allowed to drive and a youngster has words of inspiration for his dad.

 

Laff lines on weight loss

I HATE THE EWOKS!

I HATE THE EWOKS!

Sorry Star wars fans, I love to watch Star wars movies but the one with the Ewoks .NOPE not me!  There are people who love to hate on Jar Jar Binks.  Me I can be OK with Jar Jar but the little Ewoks just make me want to turn off the movie.

The one thing I have learned in  while enjoying Star Wars is that everyone is a critic.  I guess I am too!

Yesterday my wife and I were not feeling well and decided to have a quiet day binging Star Wars 1, 2, and 3 ( Notice no Ewoks).  I have seen each one more times that I can count but I will tell you this IN MY OPINION Star wars 3 us the best of the Franchise.

The story line is a little more adult and I think deals with the angst that Luke turns to the Dark side.  To me it makes for a better movie that goes deeper in the development of Darth Vader and that scene where the full image of Vader is chilling.

I am not saying the other movies were bad because they weren’t.  Even episode 6 was good despite the EWOKS!  Give me a Wookie!

I am looking forward to seeing SOLO (maybe not as much as Infinity wars and Aquaman.

So as I sign off LET THE FARCE I MEAN FORCE BE WITH YOU!

Today it was March madness and Pickle juice

 

Stupid news: Are you really dead when you are alive but the government says you are dead, b but you are alive.   Sonic introduces Pickle juice

Laff lines Donuts

TOYS TOYS TOYS

Toys-R-Us is closing all there stores and over 30 thousand people will lose their jobs.  Toys –R-Us wasn’t a player in the toy biz when I was a kid.  But boy oh boy when that Sears wish book would come out I would wear it out looking at the toys and folding the corners of pages where my toy needs (wants) would be.

Some of my favorite toys were very simple toys they included the box.  Admit it you would love playing in the big boxes that things came in.  Once my mom bought a refrigerator that came in a huge box that had a wood frame.  That box made a great club house in the back yard for several weeks.  I can’t remember but it think it was marked in Italian Fragile.

One year at Christmas my mom asked me if I wanted some of the new Gig Joe toys and I told her NO! BOYS DON’T PLAY WITH DOLLS.  Well here it is 2018 and I have some G.I. Joe toys in my collection

As a child I had one of those stuffed monkey’s that had a banana in one hand and I was told I called it my Punkey.  I was an adorable child.  Not so much today.

Other favorites were a Man from U.N.C.L.E. brief case that had a camera and would shoot plastic bullets.   I had lots of cap guns and little plastic army men; But to be honest with you one of my favorites was A BARREL FULL OF MONKEYS”  it was a toy I could play with by myself and since I was the youngest and the only boy I did find myself playing alone (ahh!)

As I grew up I would see boy’s dolls become ACTION FIGURES!  Yes now I collect action figures and have hundreds.  I admit a majority are Batman related.

Today electronics are at the top of the wish list boy kids today.  Some of them are really KOOL but I bet they don’t make good club houses!

 

Today on the morning show it was all about Uber – and March madness and WKRP:

Stupid news: More things to worry us and fire by Ragu

Laff lines Brain Regan on baseball:

 

Have a great St Patrick’s Day

DOH! DID I JUST SAY THAT

 

Mistakes I’ve made a few, but then again too few to mention!

NOPE:  I think some of the mistakes I have made on the air are engrained in my memory.  Today it’s mistakes.  Bloopers or as they say in the NFL ‘BUTT FUMBLES”

All this was inspired by this video from Fox 13 in Salt Lake City, THIS IS UNCENSORED

I know how she must feel, her friends and co-workers will remind her of the Fit Bit*& story the rest of her life.   How do I know that?  I have a few of my own.

Anyone who has ever been on the air will be able to tell you story upon story about the bloopers.  Before I tell you about a couple of mine let me tell you of some others I have been 1st hand knowledge of although I did not do them.

In Montgomery city Mo.  I had been doing play by play in about 200 miles from home, I thought all had gone well until the next morning when I got a call from the Mayor, The Chief of Police and County Sherriff.  It seems the young man who was at the station made a mistake on the air and lost his temper.  All he did was make the matters worse when he FORGOT TO TURN OFF HIS MIC.   What the 3 officials told me was that the young man was using every word that George Carlin said you couldn’t use on TV and added to the list too!   He was lucky to keep his job.

While in Rexburg Idaho I was on a date while listening to the station and a young man was doing a news cast on the air and not doing a very good job.  He was mispronouncing names and places that should have been easy but not for him.  I got angry and drove to the station with my date and proceeded to … how I say this nicely…CHEW HIS BUTT OUT!

Now before you think I was a jerk let me complete this little story?  Part of the solution I came up with was to ask the young man to start watching the CBS evening news to get the pronunciation of people and places in the news.   To his credit he did it.

Fast forward a few years and of course the young man had moved on and when I say moved on he did it in a big way.  I was watching the CBS evening news and there was a familiar face and name reporting a story.  That young man’s name is Art Rascone whose brother Dan works for KUTV in Salt Lake City.  I found out that Art went on the great career in broadcasting.  And he has even written a book about his experiences.

I have had a few on those mistakes myself.  Once in Paris TN on a Saturday afternoon I got the 1st sounds of a man’s name and the words that came out were………….. NOT GOOD.  I dropped the word the same word that Ralphie on a Christmas story said when He had to but soap in his mouth (Lifeboy Yuk)

When you are doing a live sporting event you need to be aware on what you say.  One game we were having Tech problems and I was attempting to repair.  My on air partner decided to tell the world that I was leaving an impression on the press box with my PLUMBERS PANTS.  Before I knew what I was saying I said “oh was I showing major league butt crack?”  For weeks after everywhere I went someone was asking about my MAJOR LEAGUE BUTT CRACK”

Then there is the spider!  Doing a game broadcast in a very small Utah town the press box was even smaller with board placed over sports where windows should have been, the boards were removed the game started and it turned into a blowout quickly/ What do you do when the a game is boring and you want to keep those listening a reason to stay.  That came in to form of a very large spider who started to build his web in the opening not 2 feet from my face.  The play by play quickly turned into a play by play of the Spider web.  Yes watching a spider was more interesting that a game of football.

Things do happen and will continue to happen because we all make mistakes, from this moment on I will not make any more bloopers.  YEAH LIKE THAT’S GONNA HAPPEN.

Today where to be happy and a sledgehammer

Stupid news:  jewelry and veggie burgers

Laff Lines—Drew Carey

MARCH MADNESS MEMORIES

 

Let the Madness Begin!  It is time for the College basketball tournament to decide who the best team in the land is.   At offices everywhere productivity will go down because so many people will be watching to see if they picked in early game upsets so they can brag to the friends about.  “Yeah, I watch a lot of hoops and I noticed that they were playing well going into the tournament so I just knew they were going to win that game”  the truth is “ I took and shot”

Over the years I have enjoyed watching the tournament and at times just threw my hands up is disgust.   Here are just a few memories of March Madness

The 1st time I heard Dick Vitale doing his commentary I told my friends he needed to take some valium. (True story)

While growing up my best friend Wayne and I would call each other during the Memphis State run to the championship game against UCLA and losing in the title game.  Bill Walton had a great game to lead the Bruins to the win but I still contend he should have been kicked out of the game in th4e 2nd half.  Walton had a Technical on him when he was called for another when he dunked a ball, at the time the dunk was not legal but because of some quirk in the rules Walton was not disqualified and to say I am bitter is well YES I AM BITTER!

I also remember watching the North Carolina Tar heels win with a young Michael Jordan playing and as was our tradition Wayne and I were on the phone after the game and I told him that MJ was the best all-around player I had ever watched.   Yes I am just that good at seeing talent and very lucky too!  (He still pushed off on B Russ and I am still bitter)

I went to see my wife at Utah State and had lunch with her the day that the Aggies beat Ohio State!  Happy Happy Joy Joy! While I was so angry when the Aggies were looked over by the selection committee despite being ranked in the top 25 yep back to the bitterness.

I am not sure if I will fill out a bracket this year but if I don’t I will still tell everyone that I picked the National Champion because Hey I am just that good!

On today’s morning show some good news and UFO news too

Stupid News: Voodoo, March madness and gum balls

Laff Lines: Sitting next to a 5 year old