I hate being late.  I remember my mother telling me that when you go to work show up early so you can be ready for work when you shift begins.   I show up early for everything, and it drives me crazy when people are late for an appointment.   Not that I haven’t been late for something.

Once or twice a year I forget to set my alarm clock!  It happened just a few weeks ago but the internal clock in my wife woke up and said “HEY WAKE UP”, not really she woke me up and asked about my alarm and brother I was alarmed.

In Missouri I was late my 1st day of a new job, why it was icy and I slid off the road!  True story and it was on a dirt road in the county so I got out of my truck said a few of those words and promptly fell on the ice and heard every vertebrae in my back get readjusted!  As I lay there trying to catch my breath I started to laugh.  Yep falling on ice is funny especially when you don’t hurt your self.

I worked for a man who was late for everything, I mean everything, HE had called for an employee’s meeting one morning and he was on time!  I was shocked!  However most of the employees knew he would be late so they were late for the meeting.   The steam coming out of his ears was hilarious as he saw how being late can really ruin a plan.   As he complained to me I felt it only right to tell him that the rest of the staff was late because they thought he would be late.   At that time his anger became embarrassment.   He was still late all the time.

Before the days of assigned seating at movie theaters I went to see a film and showed up early so I could pick the seat I wanted.  I got my overpriced popcorn and sat down and watched the coming attractions and it was almost time for the movie in the crowded theater when an usher asked me if I would move so a late comer could get my seat.  I almost got removed from the theater when I refused telling the usher that I came early so I could get the seat I wanted and that I should not have to move because this person showed up late.   The theater started clapping.   I didn’t move and watched the movie and wished the usher would have tossed me out it was really bad.

I found some excuses people use for being late from  Career Builder’s annual late-to-work survey, 25% of us are late at least once a month . . . and 12% said they’re late at least once a week.  37% of people between 18 and 44 are late at least once a month, compared to just 14% of people over 45.

The most common excuses we use are, “I got stuck in traffic” and “I overslept.”  But when you’re late all the time, you’ve gotta get creative.  Here are some of the t DUMBEST excuses bosses said they’ve heard . . .

“My coffee was too hot, and I couldn’t leave until it cooled down.”

My fake eyelashes got stuck together.

I was here, but I fell asleep in the parking lot.

My dog ate my work schedule

And if you are a guy don’t try this one “I am late because of morning sickness”   No dude you are not preggers you are Hung over!

Today we gave respect to cats on National respect your cat day

Stupid news included baseball, rubber duckies and Liberty bell

Laff lines  is about Facebook.