There is a reason I don’t golf anymore …… I am terrible at golf.  I played even took lessons but I sucked at golf.

I could always hit the ball a long way, but in golf if you hit a shot say two hundred yards but it goes way left…. That is not good.  The person who hit 150 straight is probably in better shape for a good score.

When I first started golfing with my cousin we carried warlike talkies on the course because I was so far off course you couldn’t shout.

However one day my tee shot went far out and too the right almost ( probably ) out of bounds and my cousin hit a little left so we were far apart on a long par 5.    We were talking to each other on our warlike talkies about what we should do and who should hit first.  I took the honors and pulled out a fairway wood and blasted one of the best shots of my life.  The ball flew straight and true toward the green.  My shot got even better when the ball hit the paved cart path and flew even closer to the green, barley missing a huge sand trap and coming to rest on the fringe of the green.  I am on the green in two shots on a par 5.  I was so happy thinking I am going to get an Eagle on a par 5!  I got out my putter and let’s just say no Eagle, no Birdie, and Par ……. I don’t think so.

Like I said.   I suck at golf.

I came close to a hole in one twice.  Once on a par three course on a whole about 75 yards long.   My shot just missed the cup not because of my great shot!  No my shot was strong but was barley off the ground struck a very large water hose in the fairway the ball hit it bounce straight in the air and landed near the cup.    I came close.

I also had a legit chance at an ace on a legit par 3 with a slight dog leg left.   There was also a slight slope down on the green.  I hit a very nice shot that landed just at the right spot.  The ball hit the slope and slowly rolled towards the cup and I saw some men at the next tee shouting and clapping.   They waited to see my reaction because my shot had stopped about one inch from the hole.

So why did I give up golf.  It was because of an old elbow injury.   Every time I would golf my left elbow would swell and would hurt for weeks.  Then I would go out and golf again.

I finally said I love the game but the pain is not worth it.   Golf is one of the most underrated sports in the world.   Tyrin to hit a small ball with a stick and aim it 250 to 300 yards towards a tiny hole and the only reason you know where you target is, is another stick with a flag on it.   That is if the foursome before you remembered to put it back.

So golfers you should be happy I don’t tee it up anymore, because the way I hit I would be screaming FOUR a lot.  Or I would just use a warlike talkie.

Today on the morning show slang words I am too old to use and Ron Howard says acting on the Andy Griffith show was difficult when there was ice cream involved.

Stupid news goes to the birds.

Laff lines:  Bank passwords