I WANT MY HOUR BACK

 

To paraphrase a popular jingle “I WANT MY HOUR BACK I WANT MY HOUR BACK “

A new survey asked over 1,000 Americans.  And slightly more people prefer when we spring forward and get more daylight.  For me I do enjoy the extra evening light.

I will add a however

HOWEVER, with the hours I work it sure is hard in June and July to go to bed when it is still light out!

35% said it’s better . . . 28% prefer it when we fall back, because they get to sleep in . . . and everyone else either wasn’t sure, or didn’t have a preference.

This probably belongs in the Ripley’s believe it or not books.  I have a harder time adjusting to gaining the extra sleep than losing the hour.

The survey also found 54% of Americans wish we’d just eliminate the time change altogether.  I kind of think it isn’t necessary anymore but what do I know.   PLENTY I found this on the internet.    ON YOU.GOV

When people were asked WHY we still do it, the five most common answers were . . .

To conserve energy . . . so farmers have more time to work . . . so people can make better use of their evening hours . . . because it’s too complicated to stop observing it . . . and for economic reasons.

Ok it just isn’t something we need to lose sleep over (Pun intended) but if you have ever lived or vacationed in an area where one state observes Daylight saving time and the other doesn’t, that the headache begins Sunday

Several states lawmakers are considering switching to Daylight Saving Time year-round.  Here are four ways that could make life better

  1. Lives might be saved.  The evening rush hour is more dangerous for a couple reasons . . . there are more people are on the road, there’s a greater chance for alcohol to be in people’s bloodstreams, and more kids are outside playing.

So having an extra hour of sunlight in the evening could reduce car accidents with pedestrians.  In fact, a study at Rutgers, researchers found that 343 lives could be saved every year if we switched to year-round Daylight Saving Time.

  1. Crime could decrease.  Criminals like darkness.  But a 2013 study found that more light in the evening could reduce crime by up to 20%.  It especially helps with juveniles, who are more likely to commit crimes after school in the early evening hours.
  2. Energy might be saved.  When the sun is out later, there’s less demand for energy to light and heat homes and businesses.  When the sun rises earlier during Standard Time, a lot of people aren’t even awake yet.
  3. Our sleep wouldn’t get messed up twice a year.  No matter whether you prefer Standard Time or Saving Time, changing the clocks twice a year is bad for our health.  It disrupts our sleep . . . heart attacks increase . . . and one study even found it negatively affected financial markets.

Daylight saving times begins Sunday at 2pm.  Let the Sunday Yawns begin.

Today on the morning show we looked at Pro Wrestling in the state of Utah this weekend

 

Stupid News:  A security guard is in trouble and a happening in Las Vegas this Sunday.

Laff Lines:  Daylight savings day

 

 

I DON’T USE THAT KIND OF *&^%$ LANGUAGE

 

At times in my life I have struggled with the use of FOUR LETTER WORDS.  Well to be truthful I still do…

The use of four letter words is becoming an epidemic that bothers me.  The is one word that is used a lot by youth that is a head scratcher to me.   Watching Live PD I have heard the bad guys call the cops this word.  It is obvious they don’t even know the meaning of the word.   I will not put the word to paper but the word describes a Female Dog.   These bad guys and bad women will call someone there this word.  The time it made me laugh out loud was when the bad guy called a Male policeman this word.  This cop was all man, stand about 6ft 4 and is a body builder.  Oh youth of America you are becoming a female dog!       Sorry.

Here are some alternate words used in TV and Movies

Now back to the struggles.  There have been times when my use of four letter words was something I am not proud of.

Some people have asked me about my family and how they influenced me.   Well here is an example that might explain why I am the way I am.

Mother did not allow four letter words at all and even chastised me for some slang words.  Then there were my sisters.  We came up with a word that we all used in place of four letter words.  DANG FARD!   We used it a lot in place of most four letter words.   Yep, an 8 letter substitute for a four letter word.

My English teacher in the 9th grade had us write papers about the use of words and how we used them.  We also had to read the Dang Fard things in front of the class.  When I said Dang Fard everyone else thought it was another word.  The teacher was upset thinking I was lying about the use of Dang Fard at my house.  My best friend Wayne was in the class and assured the teacher that my family said it all the time.

I even started hearing my Dang Fard classmates using the phrase and that made me so Dang Fard mad.  Those Dang Fards stole my Dang Fard phrase.

Dang Fard was replaced while I was in college. Think about it, can you see some of the leadership at Ricks College freaking when they heard me say DANG FARD! The replacement word was something I heard in an obscure sitcom.   I can’t even remember the name of the show but they had a character named Frog.  A good ole boy kinda like me and when something would happen he didn’t get bleeped out, no not ole Frog, he would say “DOG MANURE”  I thought it was so funny I stared using it.  It worked!  I still use it when my use of four letter words starts creeping back into my life.

A recent survey asked 2,000 parents for alternate words and phrases they use, so they don’t curse in front of their kids.

“What the frog.”    “Sugar,” instead of the S-word.   “Oh muck.”     “Shitake mushrooms.”  I like that

“Shut the front door.”   “Fire truck.”  “Bull spit.” “Oh ship.”

A few more that ranked a little lower were “fudge,” “nuts,” “shoot,” “for freaks sake,” and “what the heck.”  Or in Utah OH MY HECK

Honestly, I do try to watch my language but I must admit there are times when I let the expletives fly.

 

Today on the morning show: Stress and lives little pleasures.

 

Stupid news:  Going to a funeral ain’t what it used to be and Hipsters.

 

Laff lines: Lunch

 

OH MY HECK, I JUST LOOKED AT THE DANG FARD CLOCK AND IT IS TIME FOR ME TO GO.     

DOG MANURE!

 

 

REMODELING IS JUST LIKE MOVING

Remodeling or moving, I don’t know which I like least.

My wife and I have had a project going on at our house that has disrupted our lives’.

We had to box up 2 rooms of stuff, and remember I collect Super hero toys and wrestling figures. Remember I am a bit of a geek.

Getting ready for a remodel is a lot like moving, you find yourself living out of boxes and saying “Honey , where are my pants?”  Of course if I would just open my eyes I would have seen them but like I said I am a bit of a geek.

We did have some unforeseen problems that put us behind in the remodel which led to a few more grey hairs.   But now that the job is done and we start emptying boxes and taking some of those toys and downsizing a bit I am so glad we did it.

I still have more than a few boxes to empty and putting on display, but that is the fun part of remodeling.

I AM A BIT OF A GEEK

 

On the morning show today Uber finds

Stupid news: Driving leads to ^&*$

Laff lines: Living in New York

 

FROM FRY SAUCE TO MAYCHUP TO MAYOTURD!

 

 

I am close to being a foodie, I will try to eat almost anything put in front of me.  Most of the time I find so much fun to taste new things.  Most of the time.

I was at a party in Louisiana and someone said “Hey, do you want an oyster” I said Ok and then wished I had said nope.    NASTY!

On my Honeymoon Cruise you could have anything and everything on the menu.   I saw they had escargot and I said OK then wished I had said NOPE.

Bacon makes anything taste great.  Not so Bacon breath.   A friend made me Bacon dipped in Chocolate.  Man I was excited!  Two of my favorite things on this earth!   Man that was nasty.

In the song “Down Under” by Men at work, they are talking about a Vegemite Sandwich.  I tried it and let’s just say the one bite did not get digested.

I know that in the past you ate every piece of an animal because meat was so hard to come by.  But I draw the line at as the “IRON CHEF” would say “The innards” then there is “Rocky Mountain Oyster” “Lamb Fries”

I DON’T THINK SO!!!!   NOPE NOPE NOPE!

I am not a foodie, just someone who loves food.  It all started a family dinner table when I would take Italian salad dressing and mix it in mashed potatoes.  Mom thought it was gross.  But years later, garlic mashed potatoes become the rage.  The 1st time I tried them I said “this taste like you used Italian dressing.

Here are some food combinations that some people love.

I had friends in Mo. that would eat Peanut Butter and tomato sandwiches.   All I could think of was how nasty Vegemite is.

My mother used to cook cornbread then crumble it up and pour on the Buttermilk.

She also ate a meat product we called souse but it is more commonly called Head Cheese.   I didn’t even want to look at it because it looked like someone had been to a buffet and then got really drunk.    IFFEN YOU KNOWS WHAT I MEAN!

Other combinations from Wideopeneating.com

Ice cubes or Orange juice in your breakfast cereal

Drinking Pickle Juice.  I love that myself not much but a little.  (Hint, if you use dehydrated onions.  Rehydrate them in pickle juice.  It is incredible)

Peanut butter on scramble eggs.

Dipping French fry’s in a frosty.   Tried it and didn’t like it.

Food man I love it.

How did this all get started well because of Mayochup?  When I lived in Mo.  I would often get mayo on the side   and mix it with ketchup and my friends would ewwwww.  I even tried to get a fast food place to add it to the menu and advertise the “Fry Sauce” but they were stubborn and went out of business.    THEY NEEDED FRY SAUCE”

Mayomus- I will still call it MAYOTURD!

Did you know that eating dessert 1st could help you lose weight?

Stupid news:  The UFC and fish on a plane

Laff lines: TEXTING

 

 

 

THE SUNSHINE STATE IS KIND OF STRANGE

Florida, the Sunshine state, one of the most popular states to go to for a vacation and retire in.  Florida has great amusement parks, beaches and Oranges.

But for some reason Florida is getting a reputation for having some of the strangest news stories and news outlets (yes Stupid News counts) are noticing.  Social media is full of strange news stories from Florida.

There is someone who has a lot of time on their hands has studied 225 of the strangest stories in Florida and came up with the top ten of ALL TIME.

A Florida man tossed a three-foot alligator through a drive-thru window at Wendy’s.

A Florida man slapped his employees with a large lizard called a bearded dragon.

A Florida man broke into a car dealership . . . stole an SUV, along with two TVs from the lobby . . . crashed through the glass doors . . . abandoned the SUV . . . then told cops he didn’t remember any of it.

A Florida man tied a 12-foot alligator to a tree to keep as a pet.

A hungry Florida man bit off his girlfriend’s thumb during a late-night Taco Bell run.

A drugged-up Florida man got burned dancing naked in a fire, then attacked police.

A Florida man who collected flamethrowers set his house on fire.

A Florida man got out of jail, then immediately broke into a car in the parking lot.

A Florida man well let’s just say he really liked stuffed animals at a Walmart.  REALLY LIKED THEM

A Florida man dressed up as a pirate, and got arrested for firing a musket at cars on the highway

Now I love to watch the A and E show LIVE PD and one of my favorite moments of the show came from Florida it involved THE HAM GUY.

Just so strange to see this well-groomed man in this mess of a trailer being so rude to the Police while eating a HAM, as the police talked to him he calmed down.  I guess ham can do that to a fella.

Then few weeks later at a fast food restaurant in Florida the LIVE PD crew ran into him again.  Gotta love the HAM GUY.

Today on the morning show we talked P.E.D.’s

Stupid news :  Jury duty , next time use spell check and  Ice and Granny.

Laff lines : Marriage

MARCH —- ALREADY

 

It’s March 1sr of 2019.  I told my wife this morning that the month of February is a blur to me.  Why, Stupid flu.  I spent most of the month not feeling well and for one of the few times of my life I missed work for being to sick to come in.  (Hospital stays don’t count)

So as you might guess I am hoping March is a much better month.

Here are some things to look forward to.

We lose an hour of sleep!!! OH BOY WHAT FUN!  Daylight savings time begins March 10th at 2am.   I complain about the lost sleep but I like the extra sunshine in the evenings.

Just think about it we lose an hours sleep but we can make up for it on March 11th which is NATIONAL NAP DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

March madness begins March 19th and ends on April 8th.  Now I will admit I am not as much into college ball as I used to be, but filling out a bracket is still fun.  I am usually out after the 1st round.    I did come in 2nd in a work bracket years ago and won an overnight stay in Park City.  I went to Park city on a weekend where there was NOTHING TO DO!  I think the city closed down because they knew I was coming.   We spent to weekend in our room watching The Mummy Movies!

Major league Baseball has its opening day on March 28th.  Got to root for my Cardinals and now add the Rockies to teams I follow.

The 1st day of spring is March 20th, my 1st hay fever attack is scheduled for March 21st.

Mardi gras in March 5th, the 1st time I heard it called Fat Tuesday I said “Finally a day just for me”.

International Women’s day is March 8th.  No jokes here. I admire the women in my life so much I cannot express the words.

March 14th is Pi day.  (Math I am bore)  I just know Facebook with be filled with Pi jokes that day.  But I will eat some Pie that day that is if I can add up enough money to buy some pie (Math I’m bored).

March 17th is St Patrick’s Day, I hope I don’t forget to wear green that day.  The guys next door at VFX just want an excuse to pinch me.

March 23rd is National Puppy day…awwww (I ain’t cleaning up after him)

And March 25th is International Waffle Day!

 

 

Stupid news:  Stupid 911 calls

Laff lines: having a personal trainer

I’M NOT GETTING OLDER…… YES, YES I AM

         

 

I AM GETTING OLDER, AND I’M NOT SO SURE I LIKE IT!

On Wednesday afternoon I had a Doctor’s appointment (just a check-up) as I was going into the office building I see a couple I haven’t seen in about a year.  After saying HI and walking to my appointment I said to myself, man they are looking older.  A few minutes later I see a lady and once again, dang she is looking old.  Getting off the elevator I saw a couple that I had not seen in about 15 years.  He looked the same but she had aged.

So why do I say this.  Because I know they were thinking the same thing about me.  

From the Huffington post here are some signs we are getting older

You can’t find your reading glasses, because they are on the top of your head.

You wake up early on mornings you could sleep in I HATE THAT!!!!

Getting a new washer and dryer for your home is the highlight of your year.

Sometimes you just need to sit down.

You plan your retirement on the way to work.

You start sounding just like your Mother

You build raised garden beds, so you don’t have to bend down  

 So I am getting older but hey what can you do about it.  So I say this “Age is only relative.  I’m just glad I have relatives older than me!”

 By the way 39 years ago we watch the final episode of M.A.S.H. 

 

This morning we talked about national Chili Day! The late night talk show host had some funny jokes too.

 

Stupid news.  A fire hydrant, speeding and cheeseburgers

 

 

Laff lines:  a time Machine

 

GIVE ME A HEAD WITH HAIR

 

I’M GOING BALD!!!!!  Oh well what I can do.

Last week I walked by a security mirror in a store, you know the kind of mirror that looks down two isles.  As I walked by this mirror I looked up and saw the top of my head.

I SAW THE TOP OF MY HEAD

Pretty thin up there. Male patterned baldness is what the commercials say on TV.  Should I run out and stock up on Rogaine, I know …… COMB OVER!

I really do have a minor cross over because I comb my hair straight back with no part.

Now I make no judgements about how men deal with hair, I do want to draw the line in one exception with a true story.

I was working in a small town in central Louisiana where the boss was bald, Georg Costanza bald but he didn’t care but one of my co-workers was the comb over king.  I am not exaggerating when I say that he had a small grouping of hair that at least 2 feet long.  Every day he would wrap it around his bald head like a turbine then would somehow use moose and hair spray  to glue it on top of his head so he “WOULDN’T LOOK BALD’  Dude it didn’t work.  But the funny thing was he had a lot of female fans and would get fan letters sent him and let’s just say in various stages of undress.

All I ever got in the mail was bills!

Today on the morning show: We in America are being shamed for our use of Toilet Paper.   And late night talk show jades.

 

] Stupid news Girl Scout cookies and Coin star

Laff lines Do you listen to your Doctor

SCHOOL LUNCH … Why my finger is famous!

People ask me, what was your favorite subject in school?  My answer was and still is LUNCH!

Bad joke aside it was actually History, but lunch was a close 2nd.

As I was looking for the Video of the day I found Kids eating school lunches from the past.  That video sparked a few Lunch memories.

In elementary school, school lunch was an adventure in YUK mixed with uggg and more YUK.  However as I have over the years Dave’s stomach finds a way. The regular school lunch was usually OK but my favorite part was the Chocolate milk but even then that little carton that holds slightly more than a teaspoon wasn’t enough,  what to do , what to do.  Then I found it.  Offer to help the lunch lady!

Well it was actually I helped with the Garbage!  I would stand of the tray return and dump all the wet trash and leftover meat or meat like substances in one can and dry trash in another.  In exchange for my services I would get an extra chocolate milk!!!

The High school years were filled with mixed results.   Most of the time I would skip lunch and play football with the guys, but on occasion hunger took over.  My school had a hot lunch line that some kids would go to then there was a snack line where you would get Hamburgers Hot Dogs and Pizza.   The food was under paper wraps and sat under the hottest heat lamp in the world.  Than meant really dried out bread.  Actually the hamburger or hamburger like substance was good!

My favorite school lunch moment came when Channel 5 news came to school for a story on School lunch.  The reporter sat right next to me!  Yes my teen hormones were at full force at the time.  The reporter asked if my friends and I would talked to them about lunch.   My portion of the Lunch story came at the very end when the reporter said she mostly enjoyed the food until a young man (ME) showed them my Hamburger.  At that point the camera zoomed in as I unwrapped the paper from the burger and took my index finger and poked at the bun.  I didn’t have to exert a lot of pressure when the bun cracked and broke off into pieces.  It was that hard and dry from being under the heat lamp.

The next day at school you could hear the students talk about being on TV the night before and which friends they had seen.  No one talked about me but my finger was famous!

Today on the morning show great news from the WWE, and you and your dog are more alike than you think

There will be more on The WWE and a new Salt Lake City promotion on my next pod cast Turnbuckle Trash.

A Picture I took last Summer!

Stupid news: Snakes and Romance

Laff Lines: e Harmony

That is one famous finger

 

AND THE AWARD FOR LEAST LIKE FILM GOES TOO!

 

If you love or hate a movie is very objective.  I might love a movie that you just can’t stand.   Here is an example. “Field of Dreams” I know that there are people that make vacation plans to visit the field where the movie was made.  “Build it and they will come” Not me, I just did not like that movie.  Over the years I have had several friends give me that look like “HOW DARE YOU NOT LOVE THAT MOVIE’

The Oscars were handed out on Sunday night and you can get that winners list just about anywhere but I Dave Denton celebrate the bas with a list of the Razzies, for the worst movies of the year.

“Holmes & Watson” was the big winner at the Razzies this weekend, picking up FOUR Golden Raspberries, including Worst Picture.

PRESIDENT TRUMP also took home two awards, for playing himself in the documentaries “Fahrenheit 11/9” and “Death of a Nation”.  His former mouthpiece KELLYANNE CONWAY also won for “Fahrenheit”.

Meanwhile, MELISSA MCCARTHY won Worst Actress for “The Happytime Murders” and “Life of the Party”.

But she also got the Razzie Redeemer Award for “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” . . . which netted her an Oscar nomination for Best Actress.  (She didn’t win.)

Here is a list of some of the worst movies I have ever seen, I know that there will be some out there that will surprised a few of these.  I just remind you , just because I didn’t like them doesn’t mean you can’t … case in point “ Field of Dreams”  I didn’t like it at all but my wife does.

Crouching tiger Hidden Dragon:  Critics love this film but to me it is worthy of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment.  I like nothing about this film

The 1st Hulk Movie; Ang Lee at it again someone don’t let him make anymore.

Apocalypse now:  this is a movie people either loved or hated, I hated it.  I did enjoy Mad magazines parody called “A Crock of &^^$ now”

And the most recent movie I just didn’t like was Thor Ragnor Rock, 

I know there has got to be more but this list are the ones that came to my mind.   I thought they were so bad that even the movie popcorn couldn’t save them.

‘LET’S ALL GO THE LOBBY, LET’S ALL GO TO THE LOBBY ….SO WE CAN LEAVE AND NEVER SEE THESE FILMS AGAIN”

 Today on the morning show: The Oscars and the Razzies

 

Stupid news: An alligator and a Grandma you don’t want to mess with:

 

Laff lines Ray Ramono his 16 year old and cars