MERRY CHRISTMAS!……….SAY WHAT?

I AM A JOLLY BEARDED FAT MAN!

I love Christmas, I really do but sometimes I give a big BAH HUMBUG.  This yeas my BAH HUMBUG is not as big.

I am one of those people that gets upset when I see some stores Christmas decorations show up on the sales floor in the middle of summer.

This year is a little different, why? Christmas catalogues.  In the past the catalogues started to pack my mailbox around July 4th.  But this is 2019 and the first Christmas catalogue arrived at my house on September 30th. OH JOY!  Should I start binging on Hallmark Channel movies?

Nope, it is time for Halloween and scary movies!  Nope, I don’t like scary movies, I get scared enough just watching LIVE PD.

BOO HUMBUG!

Today on the morning show

Stupid news

Laff lines

I AM A BIG RASCAL WITH BIG BONES

I was a Little Rascal!  Now I am a big Rascal.

Here is a true story from Tuesday.   I went in for my post op exam from my wrist surgery. Things are headlining great but I did have a cast put on.  The Dr was making small talk and said “ I found out that you are a big man” Tell me something I don’t know  so I said “Yes, I am”  The Dr explained that when he was doing the surgery he was surprised at the size of my bones!

Funny thing that isn’t the 1st time I have heard that.

About 25 years ago I need knee surgery.  The 1st time I met with the Dr he walked into the exam room and the 1st words out of his mouth were “my you have big bones”

So the question I have for you is this.  Whenever I discuss my weight issues can I just say?

I HAVE BIG BONES

Today is the Birthday of Spanky McFarland of the Little Rascals.  I cannot express how much that show meant to me.

Spanky was such a cute kid (not unlike myself, but I digress)   Here he is telling the story of Tarzan

I have watched those Little Rascals so much I think I memorized them.   But when I saw it was Spanky’s birthday my 1st memory came about my mom.

My mother worked as an LPN and to get a bump in salary she worked the Graveyard shift for several years.  That meant she would get home about the same time as us kids were getting ready for school.

One day I was ready to go early and not wanting to just stand at the bus stop dreading school, I turned on the TV to watch the Little Rascals.  Some of the neighborhoods came in to watch.  We were rolling on the floor laughing when we saw the school bus roll by without us.

Panic sets in as we run to catch the bus but alas we failed.   Fearing my punishment I walked slowly as I said goodbye to Billy and Barry who were dreading telling their parents they had missed the bus.

I looked at my home to see my mom motion us all over saying “You boys, hop in the car.  You were having such a great time watching The Little Rascals I will drive you to school so you won’t get in trouble”

So Happy Birthday Spanky and thanks for the memories and especially the memory of my Mom

What’s For Breakfast?

 

Stupid news

Laff Lines

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THAT CD IS INDESTRUCTABLE

Today is National Hair Day!

But since mine is getting pretty thin on top and has gone from Brown to …..Well let’s just say slightly gray….. Well to be truthful my hair is white!  Children come up to me thinking I am Santa!   I then inform them that I am not Santa……..but I am his cousin!

Today is also National C.D. day.  Ahh, the compact disc the last C.D. I bought was the best of Loverboy.  I even got it before the concert this summer.

I love the CD it was digital and at 1st we were told the disc was indestructible.  Not so 8 track breath.   The 1st time I saw a CD was a demonstration from a record store owner trying to sell the radio station I worked at to switch to the new technology.   He took the disc threw it onto the parking lot stomped on it a few times!    Then to show off the disc placed it in the player and hit the play button and it skipped and popped  and did that digital hung up sound of a half note repeating.  The look on his face was like a child who had the top part of his ice cream cone fall on the ground.

But the digital was here and most people download their music, which is OK but I miss checking out the liner notes you could read on an L.P.  And even the CD you would need a magnifying glass to read them.   You would find out great trivia about the artist, musicians and even guest back- up vocals.  My favorite liner note came from a disc a friend owned it was “USE YOUR ILLUSION” by Guns and Roses.  I can’t quote it because of certain words but let’s just say they did not like the city of St.  Louis.

I still own a lot of CD’s and even the 1st one I bought, a 4 disc set of Motown Songs.   So celebrate the CD break out your favorite disc and crank it up.   Or just Crank up KOOL

 

Some things from today.

Stupid news

Laff Lines

 

THAT IS A STUPID QUESTION

Before the Stupid questions on Stupid question day.

I wanted to say goodbye to a man who I admired.  Gary Sheler died over the weekend.  I meet Gary through a TV program he was part of on KLBC in Laughlin Nevada, where my wife and I vacation quite a bit.  I enjoyed the passion he displayed for his community and his sense of humor.  Gary left the TV station to host a talk show in Bullhead city Arizona KAAA AND KZZZ.  I was a guest on his show twice and even though I work on radio every day, doing the show with Gary was hardly work.   I am saddened by his death.

To me this has been a sad year for Laughlin and Bullhead City.  Earlier this year Bruce Clark the C0-Owner of

KLBC TV also passed away.   I hope the Tri –State knows how lucky they were to have two great broadcasters who cared so much for the community.

TODAY IS STUPID QUESTION DAY ! Thanks to brain candy for these

After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in? –Steven Wright

Are female moths called myths?

Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?

Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say “Do Not Pass”?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?

Day light savings time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Do boxer shorts box?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Do clowns wear really big socks?

Do fish get thirsty?

enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘up over’?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? –Steven Wright

Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

How can someone “draw a blank”?

How can there be self-help “groups”?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

How did a fool and his money get together?

How do you know when you’ve run out of invisible ink?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

How is it possible to run out of space?

How long is the long arm of the law?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn’t it reverse up and down?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If corn can’t hear, why does it have an ear?

If rabbits’ feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?

 

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you didn’t get caught, did you really do it?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you’re planning on lying, do they really think you’ll tell them so?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell?

Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?

What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?

What do they call a French kiss in France?

What do you say if you’re talking to God, and he sneezes?

What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

What if the hokey pokey really is what it’s all about?

What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved?

What is the speed of dark?

What kind of fruit is in Juicy Fruit gum?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

When day breaks who fixes it?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Where is Old Zealand?

Which is the other side of the street?

Who opened that first ‘oyster’ and said “My, my, my. Now doesn’t ‘this’ look yummy!”

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken’s butt and think, “I’ll bet that would be good to eat?

Why are you expected to slow down in a speed zone?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?

Why do they call it ‘chili’ if it’s hot?

Why do they call it life insurance?

Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic?

Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?

 

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why get even, when you can get odd?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why is it that famous people are always born on holidays?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is it that only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet? –Lily Tomlin

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why was Evelyn Wood in such a hurry?

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

 

Stupid news

 

Laff lines

BEST FREINDS

During our lives people come in and out of our lives and if you are really lucky they become your friends and if you are really lucky they become close friends the if you are really really lucky you get a best friend.

Well I am three times lucky because I have lots of people I consider “Best friends”

Those people who will stick by you through thick and thin.   I have never been thin but I have had thin times and these are the people you lean on no matter what.

In my younger days I had Wayne Randall and David.  But I lost track of David after going to College.

My college years are filled with names like Larry, Ken, Kevin, John, Kathy, Joni, and Dennis.

Then as life took me all over the country some of those names became closer despite the miles.   Lary, Randall and Ken all have stepped up to the plate at one time or another and I count all three as my brothers from other mothers.  In the case of Randall there is matching DNA, were are first cousins.

So as I said I am a 3 times lucky man.  Nope add a 4th really.  Because my relationship with my wife Teresa.  Not only is she my spouse but another best friend too!

0ne more thing about friends that is really KOOL is social media.  Excuse me if I slam social media  just a little here because so many people use social media to drive wedges in our relationships for silly and petty things.   On social media I love reading about the good things and struggles of life and I even enjoy post that I might disagree with. Just because I might have a differing view doesn’t mean I think any less of that person.  It means we have a difference of opinion and that’s all.

Social media has driven such a wedge in our lives that really concerns me.

However a true friend will tolerate our differences and embrace our … for lack of better term SAMENESS!

Celebrate our sameness and Celebrate our diversity too, because as a friend said to me “if we all enjoyed and thought the same tings this would be a boring world!

 

TOLD YOU SO

TOLD YOU , I AM BACK!

Yes , I am glad that is over with . I had surgery last week on y elbow and to repair damage in my left wrist.  The one thing that I didn’t think about is how much post op pain hurts!  That and it is hard to do things with one hand.

Thanks to my wife Teresa who has been such a great help and even made me a Batman Sling!

I will say this even though it was hard waking up at 4:30am  it felt great to be back .

My post might be a little short because typing one hand isn’t easy and I am all about the easy,

I did find this about wasting time on our jobs

  • A recent poll found the average eight-hour workday includes 2 hours and 22 minutes of pointless things that just waste time.  Or about a third of your day.  Here’s how it breaks down . . .
  • 26 minutes a day trying to get old technology to work.  Like waiting on a slow computer or a jammed-up printer.  44% of people said their company’s tech is outdated.
  • 29 minutes a day of pointless meetings.
  • 29 minutes a day of pointless paperwork.
  • 24 minutes of other random tasks you don’t really need to do.
  • 34 minutes of your coworkers chatting you up.

Stupid news

Laff lines :

 

 

I’LL BE BACK

Cheezburger Image 8060947456

SURGERY IS NOT WHAT I WANT BUT SURGERY I MUST DO,

I will be gone for a few days but will be back on Monday September 23rd.

Why?

I have been experiencing numbness in my left hand on the last two fingers which turns out to be a pinched nerve.  While the medical test were taking place other, moderately serious problems found.

I need surgery for the nerve issue in my left arm and at the same time I have a damaged wrist that needs to have screws inserted to keep that wrist from becoming a major problem.

Another issue has also come up that in the future could mean a more serious surgery in my neck.  Not looking forward to that in the least.

The phone calls and notes from you really make me proud to be with you every morning on KOOL 103.9.

I will be the one handed Radio announcer for a few weeks and that will be a little difficult because I have gotten pretty good at using a mouse in each hand to work the computer systems here.

Thanks for the all the kind words, it is nice to know that in this entire building of the Cache Valley media group that I have the KOOLEST listeners.

SEE YA MONDAY

This morning we had Christy Brinkley a jerk, Candy Canes and R.S.V.P.

Stupid news: Alberto the Jerko, Candy Canes and Bird Poop

Laff lines

LIFE IS SIMPLE …….. NOT!

Life is pretty complicated, yet I consider myself a simple man.

I do have some complications coming up.  Wednesday of this week I will have surgery on my left elbow for a nerve issue.  Simple right?  Not really.

When I was going to the Dr for some numbness in my fingers they thought they knew what it was and they did BUT, doing test on the numbness in my arm, the doctors discovered some bad damage in my neck.

Now that is complicated.  But as they say on late night TV.  WAIT THERE IS MORE !   When seeing the Dr for my elbow surgery he discovered another reason why my hand hurt.  My left wrist has something called the Terry Thomas sign.   He was a famous actor who had a gap in his teeth.  Today you might think of Micheal Strahan or David Letterman.   There is gap in my wrist that is expanding and needs to be surgically repair on Wednesday.  Pretty simple right?

NOPE

Remember the neck problems?  I was trying Physical therapy that just made things worse! So later this fall there is the real possibility of a neck surgery.

So right now my life is complicated … but I am still a simple man  and today  I found a survey that was conducted to find out our favorite “SIMPLE PLEASSURES”

  1. Listening to your favorite music.  58% said it’s one of their simple pleasures.  (KOOL 1039, does this for me)
  2. Cooking your favorite meal.( I prefer eating, and usually includes Bacon)
  3. Eating ice cream.( My favorite would be COLD)
  4. Buying new clothes. ( Only if it is Batman or Pro Wrestling related)
  5. Holding hands with someone you love.( Her name is Teresa)
  6. Going to the movies.(or watching one at home)
  7. Watching a sunrise or sunset.( I see enough sunrises, waking up at 415am I need a few sunsets)
  8. Being able to sleep in with no alarm.
  9. A comfortable bed. (Oh yeah, sometimes after a long day when you hit that bed it just feels great)
  10. Taking a long, hot shower.  (Not really me I like the hop in wash rinse and out method)

So my life is complicated right now but I am milking it for all it’s worth.   I will show this list to my wife and say PLEASE, epically the Bacon, oh and the ice cream, oh and the watching movies, oh and listening to KOOL 1039

—-

Early to bed:

Stupid news Vaping, Capitan America and a stolen … toilet!

Laff lines

DID I REALLY SAY ….THAT…. YES, YES I DID

Did I really just say that?

When you work in radio as long as I have you are bound to make a few mistakes.   To quote a famous song.

“MISTAKE’S I’VE MADE FEW”

I guess you could say ‘I DID IT MY WAY” bad joke but I couldn’t resist.

So in radio you have a few fears, dead air, leaving the mic on while you are angry, going to the bathroom and it takes longer than you thought,  and flubbing a word and making it sound like another word.

When I was in high school we had a radio station and I had a regular shift on the air I don’t know why because of this.    At that time we played 45 records for our music.   This was my first day of being on my own.   I got a bit confused while playing Sundown by Gordon Lightfoot, I took the needle off the record.   No needle, No Gordon!  Panic sets in and I put the needle back on the record!   Success!!!!   Not so fast Wolman Jack breath I promptly turned the power off on Gordon!   The record started to slow down and almost stopped before I turned to power on and the record creating a special moment as Gordon Lightfoot got back to speed 45rpm!

Rexburg Idaho, working in the evening and a long song was playing so I decided to step outside for a breath of fresh air, closing the never locked front door but on that day it was locked.   What to do, I had no key and I knew the record would end soon. What to do, what to do,

I “leaned into the door” …… as the door flew open “BAM” I guess I leaned pretty hard.  But the record was saved.   (By the way a friend drove out to repair the door that night)

Doing a sports broadcast in Missouri so technical issues found me on the floor trying to fix the problem, which I did just like a Plumber, complete with Plumbers pants!  Major league butt crack right in the Press Box

There have been times of burping, and other body noises but the most helpless moments are when you get words all confused and other words come out that well let’s  just say could get you a fine from the FCC.

The worst of that happened to me in  Paris TN on a Saturday afternoon doing a live sports report for 5 minutes no commercial breaks and the first story was about a football coach and I messed up his name in a way that …….. Well let’s just say I said the big one, just like Raphe.

1st story, 5 minute sports cast, no commercial breaks…. To this day I am not sure how I got through that.    But I do know that when I turned Mic off and made sure it was off that my grasp of the English language consisted of mainly word that are easily spelled with just four letters.

As I said. “Mistake’s, I made a few… but I did it my way”

Fun fact for Friday the 13th:

Stupid news—Area 51, Amore gone wrong and frogs

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WHY AM I GRUMPY

I woke up in a grumpy mood today.  I don’t know why just felt grumpy.

Well maybe I do know why I woke up grumpy.  STRESS!  I have been kind of stressed out lately, busy and stressed.

STRESS

Some not so good medical news means I will need to have surgery on my left arm and wrist on the 18th of September, so I am kind of stressed about that and add to that my duties here at KOOL 1039 are such that I need to do a lot of preparation for a few days off next week.

STRESS

More not so good medical news means that I will probably have to have neck surgery later in the fall.

STRESS

I have been having Physical Therapy on the neck which has actually made the neck hurt worse.

So I come into do my show this morning and I just feel a little grumpy… not in a bad mood, just grumpy.

Then one of life’s little moments happened and it made me laugh and showed me that I was being way too grumpy.

About 7:15 I was preparing to report on the Stupid News and I was working on a deadline to get ready

STRESS

Then a piece of paper got in my cross hairs!  This paper would not get out of my way.  I tried to move it, but it stuck to my finger and came back.   I tried to move it again and the fan in the studio blew the paper right back at me.

STRESS

I started Hulking out with anger grabbed that paper and threw it with all my might and it like a boomerang it came right back.

That is when the absurdity of me losing my temper at a piece of paper hit me and I just laughed at my own stupidity.

Moral of the story?   There is none, I am just grumpy

Stupid news: DUI, a parade and common sense

Laff lines